I’m sitting at home right now when really I should be out getting our shopping like I normally would on a Wednesday morning. Instead I have spent over an hour sitting here staring into nothing, with anxiety ripping through my body at the thought of going out. Surely this isn’t right? Why does this keep happening to me?
I’ve had anxiety at different stages of my life like many people have, it just didn’t seem to fully leave me after post natal depression with my second child. It has definitely been a lot calmer in the past than it is now; as right now this has got to be the worst I’ve ever experienced it.
People close to me, that really know me have asked if it is the virus that’s causing so much panic and stress throughout my body, but the simple answer is no.
It’s not the virus it’s self, it’s the constant fear of having to explain myself over and over to people that I am exempt, wondering how much information they’re going to try and get out of me and, in front of how many people. It’s also the comments that people say loud enough for you to hear, but not directly to you. It’s the man working in B&Q that told my children that mummy should be wearing a mask instead of speaking directly to me, now that one really pissed me off. After ranting at him in anger, I hope that he now educates myself and keeps his ridiculous comments to himself. It’s the dirty looks. It’s the worry that instead of me saying “do you have a problem?” to people or ignoring them, that I might possibly react in a different way.
There’s that flight or fight reaction in everyone, my anxiety is trying to get me to run away but my natural instincts are always to fight. Maybe that’s why my anxiety is so bad, as my whole body is confused on what to do. I have always stood my ground, but this constant uncertainty and change is affecting people in many different ways, ways that people have never experienced before.
Anxiety isn’t going anywhere anytime soon. Some people will wear a mask and happily accept that others cannot. Some will wear a mask and think that everyone not wearing one is selfish arsehole. Some people will not wear one, because they do not believe it will help or simply choose not to.
I know that so many people walking around covering their faces also has affects on people, especially the elderly. We have always been taught to be curious of people covering their face but now we are all told to do so.
Please remember with suicide rates increasing and anxiety at an all time high, just be kind. If someone walks past you without a mask and your wearing one, just walk on by. We never know what people are already dealing with.
If you are suffering with anxiety at the moment, just remember you are not alone. Please reach out to somebody and get any support you can.
I wish everyone the best possible rest of the year that you can have. I hope your jobs and businesses are safe, I hope both you and your loved ones are safe and I really wish everyone the best for 2021, let’s be honest it can’t be much worse.